Christmas to acquire American holiday of Thanksgiving in new business deal

It looks like Christmas will be getting into the Thanksgiving business sooner rather than later. After years of pursuit, Christmas agreed to buy-out one of America’s oldest holidays.

“I’m glad our efforts have finally paid off” said Santa, the CEO of Christmas. “They were a hard bargain but I believe the season will be better off for it.” Thanksgiving responded by calling Santa “a cutthroat businessman who lacks empathy for other holidays. He ran us out of town and gave us no other option than to sell.”

Santa went on to discuss the competition it faced with Thanksgiving being so close, only separated by a few weeks. “Every year we went harder and harder, we started putting Christmas decorations out on the shelves in August, and Christmas music the day after Halloween and gingerbread lattes out in the first week of November. And I think eventually, the American public began to equate Thanksgiving with Christmas which is exactly what we wanted all along. Thanksgiving just could not compete with our ambition to take over the whole fall and winter season.”

This acquisition is set to make Christmas the longest celebrated holiday on the planet and will now include turkey, stuffing, more arguments with family members and the history between the Plymouth colony and Native Americans of Massachusetts.

“In the future, we are going to look at acquiring Halloween, Valentine’s Day, the Fourth of July, and who knows maybe even the whole year. Our potential is truly limitless” said Santa.

Comedy writer, nacho enthusiast, named after a restaurant that has 3.5 stars on Yelp.

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