Christian women who pledged to boycott Target finds out Joanna Gaines Magnolia line “Hearth & Hand” will be available this fall

I’ve come to my senses everybody!!

Hi fellow Target boycotters,

It’s me, Jeanette the one who made you all pledge to fiercely boycott Target last year. I think it is time for me to reconsider my allegiance. I mean when Target introduced the gender neutral toy aisles I lost my marbles. Just thinking about the little girl I don’t have going down the aisles and leaving the store with a Tonka truck was enough to put me in therapy that week. But then when they announced the transgender bathroom policy I almost died. Who does Target think they are? But now folks, it has come to my attention that Joanna Gaines is debuting a new line “Hearth & Hand” at Target this fall. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore from Target they go and do something like this to guarantee the boycotters will have the most outdated homes in town.

The thought of being able to buy shiplap got me thinking, I mean every store has gender neutral aisles right? If you go to the drug store there is no separate aisle for male and female items. Our hair shampoo sits side-by-side in harmony together and so do our razors, deodorant and people have been getting along just fine. I’ve been using Right Guard for decades and i’m still not sure who it’s made for. And the bathrooms, does anyone really use those bathrooms in Target? Besides the people who go in there to toilet paper the place and clog the sinks? Dunkin Donuts and McDonald’s chains in the city have one bathroom that is used by ANYONE and I mean anyone. Last time I used one in Boston i’m pretty sure there was a leprechaun living in the corner hosting a dinner party. And our bathrooms at home, I mean I don’t know about you people but I’m not Bill Gates and couldn’t afford to install the gender separate bathrooms the church recommended so now I’m really just being a hypocrite.

You’re just figuring this out now JEANNETTE?!

So anyways, I did some soul searching and had the epiphany that my spirituality is really in tune with what Magnolia is selling so I won’t be at the church basement meeting next Tuesday night. Mark, you will have to bring the biscotti as that was my assigned dish to bring. I look forward to my new journey with Hearth & Hand.

Resigning church group admin,

Jeanette Holmes

Comedy/humor writer. Bozo navigating a serious world.

Comedy/humor writer. Bozo navigating a serious world.