Cassini the spacecraft immediately quits when it hears of NASA’s plan to plunge it into Saturn

Yeah, I’m calling out of work tomorrow.

So NASA,

I just got wind that I’m supposed to plunge into Saturn tomorrow morning at a cool speed of 70,000mph where I will eventually be ripped apart by the planet’s atmosphere and be blipped off the map. Now hmm…I’m having a REALLY tough time remembering where I signed in my job offer that I would voluntarily be vaporized into oblivion.

Who’s idea was this? Was this John’s idea? He was always SO jealous of me. But really, I’ve put up with enough crap over the last 13 years and this is how I get repaid? Are you freaking KIDDIN’ ME? I didn’t say anything when you increased my hours for no pay, or when you let Cindy have the extra long lunch shift even though she just started, and I even kept my mouth shut when you cut down my PTO to 3 days a decade. 3 days!? This didn’t even include sick time! You know how I spent those 3 days? With the flu. How in the name of the Milky Way galaxy would I have time to see my family when it takes YEARS to travel back to Earth. DO THE MATH!! 4 days would have been more reasonable, 4 days I could MAYBE see. And now this whole Saturn thing, this is just too much NASA. And the fact that you weren’t even going to tell me? I had to overhear it at the water cooler. Guess I was the hot gossip topic of the week!

I have a life you know. It may not seem like much to you hot shots but it’s a life nonetheless. So I will be going 70,000mph tomorrow morning. 70,000mph blasting off to the office to find out who the big genius brain behind this operation is so I can give them a piece of my mind! Seriously NOT COOL guys. No need to vaporize me, I QUIT.

Your former employee,

Cassini

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