Mansfield, MA — Local Dad, Greg Shaw, is planning on spending a full week in aisle 9 at The Home Depot. “I’m in need of a new light bulb for the garage and a few other necessities like duct tape and a driveway reflector so I’ll really need as much time as I can get.” When asked where he would be staying in there he replied “in the kitchen section obviously, there’s a reason they have model kitchens and bathrooms there. For Dads like me who need to pick out urgent necessities.”
We pressed Greg why he would need a…
From hopeful office workers to desperate Moms, people across America are begging Bigfoot to finally come forward and answer their latest letters.
Happy Friday Bigfoot!
My name’s Bianca, and I work at Sasquatch Shoes. I took this job believing the company culture centered around you. But my cocky coworker Morgan tells me the company name is a joke and is demanding I stop using company email to circulate “clickbait” like “Bigfoot spotted ordering a Frappuccino at Portland Starbucks.” I’m not sure what clickbait is, I literally only share relevant news.
Come show my coworkers the legend of the ape man…
Your Mommy’s maternity leave has come to an end — happily for us! We hope you’re getting used to being alive newborn. You’ve had Mommy now for a whole two weeks! No hogging — It’s our turn! Thank god, right? We know she must have desperately missed being with the team. Well, she popped you out and did what she needed to do and now it’s time we get her back! Hooray! We promised Mom we got childcare covered with a special benefit in her employment package — this newborn self-care tip sheet with a few goodies included!
Because an open mic is nothing without a quirky pair of glasses.
The Harry Potter
The audience will look at you with the same respect Hogwarts gives Harry. They might even think you are Harry. Bonus. I think? But if things go sour, hop on your imaginary Quidditch broom and get the bloody hell out of there!
It’s been thirty years but I still remember the day you first crafted me. You opened a box of dried macaroni noodles in Ms. Patton’s first grade class and hand selected each uncooked noodle like a fine artisan before dipping them haphazardly in Elmer’s glue and gluing globs of them onto a wreath-shaped piece of construction paper. It was then you gave me life as a macaroni wreath-shaped holiday ornament. And at that point, it was the best work of art you ever made.
You were so proud of me. Ms. Patton set all of us macaroni wreaths aside to…
Please don’t be mad. You know how much I love October. You’ve always wanted me to pursue what’s best for me, right? Last week when I said I wish I was that scarecrow who got to hang out in the cornfield with pumpkins all day, I realized something. I wasn’t living authentically. Every time I walked by the jack-o’-lantern on our front steps and saw it sitting uninhabited, the soft flicker of candlelight flowing through the triangular-chiseled eye holes like an autumn sanctuary beckoning to me in the night, I knew it was time for me to move in and…
This is the 17th day in a row where Todd, resident weatherman, has reheated a bowl of spaghetti plots for dinner, leftover from hurricane tracks that never came to pass.
“I used to watch as the leftovers just got thrown in the trash over and over again, and it didn’t seem right to me. All those plots going to waste. That’s when I started bringing Tupperware to work and taking them home with me. I let the production assistant know that I will now be the one in charge of taking the spaghetti plots to the trash…Then I sneakily stuff…
Stick Stickly, was arguably one of the most influential television hosts of the ’90s. But our beloved Stickly disappeared from the air in 1998 and has only been seen sparingly over the years. Every time I see a popsicle stick with eyes I think of Stick and sob into my handkerchief. Does he have a family now? Did he find happiness? Did he ever grow hair?
He was thought to be spotted at the International Balloon festival in 2003 but initial reports were unclear and it actually ended up being a lollipop.
Again, in 2006, our hopes were up. Fans…
We are launching a sophisticated women’s work-from-home (WFH) fashion line this summer and it’s time to get excited about it! We teamed up with Angela, a freelance blogger, who works from home and who hasn’t left her house in 37 days. Her hours spent in sweats were an inspiration for the pieces in our collection and we’re confident this line will be a success with women working from home everywhere.
Shoes: The line boasts scruffy pink slippers that will envelope your feet in comfort and total inelegance. The slippers can be easily paired with our signature fuzzy striped socks that…
Todd Walters, the weatherman at Local WXZY station, is known for his rapidly changing forecasts that frequently have an 82% margin of error. His latest forecast for a nor’easter has come under scrutiny by local residents.
Todd is predicting 2.5 inches of snow with light winds. He tells viewers it will be a low-impact storm.
Todd is now predicting a major impending nor’easter.
He has nicknamed the storm Snowpocalypto, the storm to end all storms and asks viewers to use #ToddsSnowpocalypto when posting to social media.
8:04 a.m. He has now declared it the…
Comedy writer, nacho enthusiast, named after a restaurant that has 3.5 stars on Yelp.